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If only I could die I would be happy. Laying eyes on my son erased the pain and closed the wounds on my face and body, it breathed new life into me and assured me that our souls are real, and that our pain however intolerable is fleeting and not in vain. I was afraid to touch him as if he were made out of cotton candy and my fingers could reshape him and turn him into nothing but so much sugar from which he was made. My blood marked his body, proving that he was mine. My flesh, my blood, a new life born of my womb. A new soul to sprout wings and fly if only I could teach him. Suddenly all my fears and inadequacies as a mother seemed very real. God trusts us with this great task and I felt so much less than worthy. God my son…my son… Years later I could not begin to recall the fervor with which those brief shards of time were lived and wept and dissolved into a dream filled with nothing more than ashes of my memories. I held him in my arms feeling his flesh like crushed velvet, damp. He had been gentle with her and it had felt like a caress. No, she felt a strong hope that in the end they would be together. It was almost a conviction, but not quite.She returned to work the next day and others at work would comment on how much better she looked or how much more cheerful. She noticed that instead of looking uncomfortable in her presence, they would smile more readily when they met or passed her and that in turn lifted her spirits even further. There was a spring in her step, a ready smile on her face and she could be heard humming a tune. Now she longed for Ged's return.It was like that for the two weeks. As the time for Ged to come home drew near she became nervous.Then came the week he should have been home. Monday passed and he did not ring. Jet lag, she thought.Tuesday came and by evening Cassie became distressed."He's not rung me," she told Cheryl. "He's had second thoughts." Don't jump to conclusions, darling," temporised Cheryl. "He may have had to stay in.
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